I am a human being, and I have a passion for excellence and success. I work hard to achieve success.
In my investigation to see why some people are successful in their family and professional life, I discovered something, which may interest my readers; that is, how to get self-confidence by eliminating negative self-talk.
We all know what self-confidence is. But what should we do to have confiance en soi? So let us say, the first thing to do to gain self-confidence is to try to defeat the so-called, self-defeating voice inside our heads. Self-defeating voice is the one you hear in your head saying: you are not good enough or short up, they will find your idea ridiculous. It always tries to keep you down the stairs.
In fact, this voice only reflect a negative attitude in our person; for that reason, the psychologists call it, Negative self-talk. However, the only way to defeat it is to say, yes, I can, whenever it pops up saying: you cannot; or yes, I am, if it says you are not good enough. Negative self-talk, to adopt the psychological term, is one of the biggest obstacles you must overcome if you want to get “Selbstvertrauen” and achieve success.
Nevertheless, every one of us has an inner critic, but the only difference between us is the way we manage it. Some people manage better than others do. If you manage it well, at some extent you hardly notice it.
How can you manage it?
Well, I would say, consider raising your awareness if you find yourself hesitant, nervous or in a state of self-devaluation. Stop and try to notice what is going on. You may have a specific behavior pattern that shows itself when the inner negative voice is active, such as deferring, avoiding people or tasks. Alternatively, there may be a body sensation you may distinguish as a warning sign.
Have you ever had a dried up mouth while standing in front of a group of people to do a presentation or to clarify your ideas? Well, it happened to me during my first exposé at the university, I really needed water. More often, it happens when something is not quite clear in your head, or you are not familiar with the audience.
So, when you notice any sign of inner critic, negative self-talk, try to listen to it and evaluate what it is saying, but don’t forget your ultimate weapon against negative self-talk is “yes, I can”. If you are leading a team, “yes we can” is the best team motivation strategy.
Another point to take into account after haven listened to your inner critics is to be confident that you can change the negative into positive. You can make your self-talk stop sending you negative messages. For that, you must start by constructing a fair and accurate response to each message you typically hear and use your response whenever you notice it.
I appreciate my psychology teacher’s approach. He once said, “Do not reject the contradiction your face, but take it as a possibility, and have your own possibility too,” have your say.
Well, what is the message here? If you get a message that says: They are going to say not to you, you might respond, “yes that’s possible, but they also might say yes. I will never know until I ask. You may hear a message saying: Do not do that, you might make a mistake; say, yes, I might, but if so, I will learn from it and move on. The most intelligent people always learn from their mistakes. As human being, mistaking is a part of our nature, but mistakes only become productive if you learn from them. So learning to manage negative self-talk is an attainable skill; the only requirement is that you be willing to try.
But, do not forget that in the process of decision-making, you have to think twice before making any. It does not only mean having experience, but also background and plausible examples. Learn from those who made the similar decision, look for the outcome and take your stand.
Moreover, learning any new skill requires practice. German say: übung macht meister, which means, practice makes perfect. Therefore, managing your inner critic also requires practice. It may seem difficult to catch your inner critic when you intend to manage it. It is only after it deactivate you come to realize where the reluctant you were feeling was coming from. This is a normal part of learning self-management.
Just use your positive response as soon as you think of it. Practicing more often, you will become more skilled at hearing negative messages in real-time and be better able to respond instantly.
Using this process more often, negative messages will start losing their power over you just like some words lose their semantic meanings, that is because you stop believing them.